Nerdy Thing Thursday!

So, if you’ve been following the news and you know me then you will already know what I’m going to talk about today. What’s that? You don’t really know me? That’s why you read this? Well then, in that case, let me make one thing abundantly clear: I love Apple. I love apples too, but that’s tied to my general love of fruit. This past week, Steve Jobs, the guru, the master, he-who-makes-dreams-happen, (I’m just kidding with all the ass kissing by the way) (kinda) gave one of his usual presentations and dropped the latest shiny toy for all the geeks out there.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the iPad.

Yeah.  The iPad.  In case you haven’t already heard the jokes flying around you only have to turn your brain back to third grade (which for some people may not be so hard…) or just speak to any woman to know what the basic LOLz are all about.  IT REMINDS US ALL OF TAMPONS.  PADS.  FEMALE HYGIENE PRODUCTS.  Damn it Apple, and damn you Steve Jobs.

I loved the iMac, the MacPro, the Macbook (which I’m typing on now), the iPhone (which is sitting next to me) and so many other things that they have created through their vision and their influence.  With that, I was READY for this next toy.  I was practically frothing at the mouth.  But now, I just feel let down.  Did you notice the part where I had my iPhone on one side of me and my MacBook in my lap?  Between the two of them I already have all the features that I would get with the iPad.  So, what’s the incentive to buy one?  Is it faster then my laptop?  No.  Is it more convenient then my iPhone?  Not if I want to get up and, I don’t know, run errands.  The only way I could see this working out for me is that having one would keep me from having to bring my laptop down from my room upstairs.  And what do I pay for that convenience?  At least $500.  No, thank you.  Shove it Apple.

And how about this.  If I want to, I can totally take the iPad to go and search/type/play/whatever anywhere I want.  How awesome is it that they just add this on like another phone to my cell bill and let me use the 3G network I’m already paying for! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WAIT!  They don’t.  That’s another $30 a month if I want to do that.  So I’m expected to pay hundreds for this item, $30 a month for the rest of my life to keep it really mobile, the $60+ a month for my iPhone bill, plus replace my laptop, phone, and tablet whenever they may break.  On top of this, they are trying to push people to purchase books and newspaper subscriptions through this device.  I believe that the future of newspapers is closely tied to subscription services but when all of the costs piled on top of this one delivery device are taken into consideration I’m afraid this will just end poorly.  In case you couldn’t tell, I really don’t see myself buying into this.  I have a feeling many others won’t either.

BUT…it IS a really cool looking device, and while I wouldn’t pay money for it I’d love to some day get one as a gift.  I am a nerd, after all. 

Tweet Tweet Tweet *BOOM!*

I’m not always the fastest adopter of new technology.  No, scrap that, I’ve only been in on the ground floor with one new piece of technology.  My beloved Mac laptop, which houses an Intel chip, was that unique item.  But besides this one exception to the rule I tend to take a wait and see approach to most new tech and trends.  I like to believe (true or not) that I am aware of new trends before they really make it big.  Usually, this is before they end up in Time or Oprah or some other mass media message maker.  Hee hee, say that three times fast!  Ahem, anyways, my point to all this is: I waited on Twitter, I joined up, and I never used it again.

Twitter and the tweeting avalanche it launched seemed like such a good idea.  It was supposed to be a way to broadcast quirky, interesting, informative, or just plain boring messages to huge numbers of people constantly.  Groups formed, actors and actresses found a new outlet for their unique dribble, and a few businesses started to take it on as a new outlet for reaching customers.  I know a few very successful photographers who have used it and continue to do so now.  What’s the problem then?  I don’t think it works.

From my experience with it I felt there was an odd… thing, there.  Yes, a thing, not a movement, not a new communication tool, just a thing.  Much like the bouncy balls we used to pull from those 25 cent machines in grocery stores, Twitter has a thousand uses and none of them are very entertaining or interesting for a great length of time.  I was drawn in by the new-ness of it, the wonderous desire to get instant news, the idea that I’d be able to follow people (both that I knew and that I simply knew of and admired) and get some insight into what they were doing, what they liked, and things they felt would be cool for me to know.  Allow me to break that down a bit:

Breaking news: I would read a tweet, limited as it was by the character limit, and want more information.  Too bad!  There isn’t more.  That’s the price I pay to it instant.  The fact that it JUST happened means none of the research, insight, or details that I want are anywhere to be found.  It was much like eating a side salad as I waited for my main course only to find that the main course wouldn’t arrive for hours.  Would you stand for that sort of dining experience?  I think not.

Following people I know: there were very few, when I joined, that also used the service.  I don’t run with the most technologically interested individuals.  Most of the people I know end their online desires at Facebook and MySpace, which is fine by me since I get to learn as much as I want about them through those two sites.  And that, right there, was the issue.  Anyone I knew who used Twitter was tweeting things that I didn’t really care about.  If I already had them on either of those other two sites I was just getting a double scoop of information, which didn’t really get me anywhere.  Unlike a double scoop of ice cream, which gets me to a happy place.  Twitter provides me no happy place at all…how sad…

Following people I didn’t know: I could tell you some specific things about my experiences with specific people but I’ll sum it all up with this one: Kevin Smith.  I love Kevin Smith.  I’ve seen/own a great deal of his movies (and the ones I don’t have I want). I’ve seen him live doing Q&A at Berkeley (a show which almost made me pee my pants) and I’ve always felt that he’s an all around entertaining man and someone I’d like to know more about.  So, with that in mind, adding him on Twitter seemed like a natural thing.  Nope.  A few of the things he wrote were pretty damn funny but they were buried among things that felt like personal conversations.  A whole lot of, “@ some jerkoff” got on my nerves really fast.  I understand that Kevin would have a lot of people following him and they would toss tweets his way just as he tosses them back, but I hated having to sift through this to find things of interest.  It was like reading a redacted government file, which may or may not provide proof of an alien landing at area 51 but you’d never know since so many lines have been crossed out with a dark Sharpie.  It’s unreadable, hard to follow, and ultimately a bigger pain in my ass than I want to deal with.

So there you have it.  These, in a nutshell, are my issues with this latest trend.  I honestly feel that Twitter is going to disappear in the next few years, but I may not even be aware of it when it does.  It’s already dead to me.  Eh, whatever.  Let’s see what’s next…